(Source: logotv, via onlylolgifs)

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A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is eight years old, she’s got pink cheeks that her grandmother calls chubby. She wants a second cookie but her aunt says “you’ll get huge if you keep eating.” She wants a dress and the woman in the changing room says “she’ll probably need a large in that.” She wants to have dessert and her waiter says “After all that dinner you just had? You must be really hungry!” and her parents laugh.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is eleven and she is picked second-to-last in gym class. She watches a cartoon and sees that everyone who is annoying is drawn with a big wide body, all sweaty and panting. At night she dreams she is swelling like the ocean over seabeds. When she wakes up, she skips school.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is thirteen and her friends are stick-thin ballerinas with valleys between their hipbones. She is instead developing the wide curves of her mother. She says she is thick but her friends argue that she’s “muscular” and for some reason this hurts worse than just admitting that she jiggles when she walks and she’ll never be a dancer. Eating seconds of anything feels like she’s breaking some unspoken rule. The word “indulgent” starts to go along with “food.”

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is fourteen and she has stopped drinking soda and juice because they bloat you. She always takes the stairs. She fidgets when she has to sit still. Whenever she goes out for ice cream, she leaves half at the bottom - but someone else always leaves more and she feels like she’s falling. She pretends to like salad more than she does. She feels eyes burrowing through her body while she eats lunch. Kate Moss tells her nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but she just feels like she is wilting.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is fifteen the first time her father says “you’re getting gaunt.” She rolls her eyes. She eats one meal a day but thinks she stays the same size. Every time she picks up a brownie she thinks of the people she sees on t.v. and every time she has cake, she thinks of the one million magazine articles on restricting calories. She used to have no idea a flat stomach was supposed to be beautiful until she saw advice on how to achieve it. She cuts back on everything. She controls. They tell her she’s getting too thin but she doesn’t believe it.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is sixteen and tearing herself into shreds in order for a thigh gap big enough to hush the screams in her head. She doesn’t “indulge,” ever. She can’t go out with friends, they expect her to eat. She damns her sweet tooth directly to hell. It’s coffee for breakfast and tea for lunch and if there’s dance that evening, two cups of water and then maybe an apple. She lies all the time until she thinks the words will rot her teeth. She dreams about food when she sleeps. Her aunt begs her to eat anything, even just a small cookie. They say, “One bite won’t make you fat, will it, darling?”

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is seventeen and too sick to go to prom because she can’t stand up for very long. She thinks she wouldn’t look good in a dress anyway. Her nails are blue and not because they are painted. Her hair is too thin to do anything with. She’s tired all the time and always distracted. She once absently mentions the caloric value of grapes to the boy she is with and he looks at her like she’s gone insane and in that moment she realizes most people don’t have numbers constantly scrolling in their heads. She swallows hard and tries to figure out where it all went wrong, why more than a granola bar for a meal makes her feel sick, why she tastes disease and courts with death. She misses sleep. She misses being able to dream. She misses being herself instead of just being empty.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is twenty and writes poetry and is a healthy weight and still fights down the voices every single day. She puts food in her mouth and sometimes cries about it but more and more often feels good, feels balanced. Her cheeks are pink and they are chubby and soft and no longer growing slight fur. Her hair is long and it is beautiful. She still picks herself apart in the mirror, but she’s starting to get better about it. She wears the dress she likes even if it only fits her in a large and she doesn’t feel like a failure for it. She is falling in love with the fat on her hips.

She is eating out with friends and not worrying about finding the lowest calorie item on the menu when she hears a mother tell her four year old daughter “You can’t have ice cream, we just had dinner.
You don’t want to end up as a fat little girl.”

"
Why do we constantly do this to our children? /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

(via cassislame)

inobligality:

I received my Quest Protein Bars a week ago, and must I say they do taste delicious! :D

Quest sells a variety of protein bars in the delicious sweet flavours you love - such as Cookies & Cream and Double Chocolate Chunk which are both pictured above! Built in with 21g of protein, tons of fibre and no added sugars, Quest Bars are designed for anyone who cares about nutrition and having a leaner body! Also, they sell healthy Peanut Butter Cups and Pasta too!

I’ve only had it for a couple of days, but boy - they do taste just as good and are a much healthier replacement than any other sweet snack! It gives me so much energy for the afternoon! I would definitely recommend them to anyone! Please check them out and help spread the word, have a lovely day! :)

Mia xx

I got the Cookies and Cream ones. They are AMAZING. Only 180 calories, 1g sugar. 21g protein. Like 7 net carbs after cancelling fiber grams. HOLY SHIT they are the perfect addition to a diet. Buying them forever and forever, from now on.
also:

Day 1 of the 30 Day Shred.

WENT HORRIBLY. GOOD GOD I AM OUT OF SHAPE.

Long ago are the days when I could do the 50 minute Insanity work out. Now, I struggle majorly with a 23 minute Shred. Sigh. Long way to go. I’ll get there though.

also next time I should not drink 3 cups of coffee on an empty stomach before doing it. I was shaky and struggling hard.

i'm soooo happy that you are back! (:
asked by Anonymous

WHYYYY would you be anon when we could be friends!????

but thank you!!! :D happy to be back.

Fat Girl Memory #97 (I think..??)

Holy hell. As you all know, I have been dating a ton the past year. Like, first dates regularly and often. One guy, I hit it off with decently well, we dated for about 3-4 months, but then he fell off the face of the planet. BUT THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT HIM.

My profile was quick, funny, and represented me pretty well. I’d get lots of messages complimenting my well filled out profile. Getting messages/interest was not hard. This was new for me.

I’ve always been the black sheep fat girl, Not just the fat girl, but the girl who never gets attention from men in public. I was the girl that hated going out with my friends to bars or parties because I knew they’d be soaking up tons of attention from men and I’d be sittin’ like a potatoe in the corner. Surely part of it was that I wasn’t super confident with the opposite sex, but also part of it is the societal expectations for men and who they feel they should be/or are attracted to. That’s a whole other post.

Anyway, dating forced me to recognize that YES! I am attractive! and YES! Men will find me beautiful! and YES, men find my body desirable, and they AREN’T creepy weirdo fat fetishers. Some men, of course not all. (And that’s OK! We all have our preferences!) I me tmost of these guys off of okcupid, and in my profile, I would MAKE SURE that I posted several full body pictures. Full body pictures that left nothing to the imagination, that guys couldn’t look at my pictures, see me in real life, and feel like I mislead them about my size. It was my worst nightmare to hit it off with a guy in text, meet him, and have him go, “Oh.” when he saw me in person.

One guy, we’ll call him “Pants,” messaged me. We snapchatted, we talked and texted. We decided to meet up in person. When I walked in, I saw him do a double take. I saw his body noticeably shrink and his face lower as I sat down. He didn’t greet me with a hug, or anything remotely friendly. He was noticeably less friendly than he was in text.

Now, textual chemistry is impossible to gauge, but that moment, my FIRST thought was, “Oh god oh god oh god, he wasn’t expecting me to be so fat! That’s why he’s acting so weird!” Needless to say, I didn’t hear from him again after that night. I know, I just said that I take cautious measures to ensure men are aware of my fatness before meeting me, but there’s that part of me, every single time, that thinks - maybe I only chose pictures that are weird angles? Maybe I’ve gained weight since that picture? Maybe he just looked at my face/above the shoulders default picture? Maybe maybe maybe, and I freak out thinking they’ll be disguted when they see me in person.

The point of the story is this: I have no idea when I’ll be able to accept rejection WITHOUT blaming my fatness as the reason for the rejection. I have no idea WHEN I will be able to be unafraid to meet people, go places, or try new things without being scared my fatness will hinder me. I have no idea when my fatness won’t be on the forefront of my mind, always. But I’d like to get there. Someday.

Your blog is lovely. I hope you're here to stay :)

That’s my plan! And thanks so much! I’ve missed this blog!

Hey! :) I'd love to be tumblr friends! I have none so far.. haha. I just started my blog 2-3 days ago.
asked by happysashaa

Yay!!!!!! Tell me about you :) I’ll follow you here in a sec!

My personal is thepretty-follies! I don’t know how to link on this iPad thooooougghhh
→Fat Girl Memory #96 - Trigger-Warning

fatgirlmemories:

This is a really difficult post to write. This very well may be TMI. Feel free to skip.

Basically, like a lot of women, when I am on my period I think about sex. A lot. So basically I’ve been thinking about having some sex. Then I visualize myself in my brain having sex. I think of the guy….

I’ve made so much mental progress since this post. I’m so happy I’ve kept this blog for so long, and poured so much of myself into it.

Hmmm…

fatgirlmemories:

Weighed myself yesterday, and I was 201.6 — I am weighing in tomorrow. I hope tomorrow is the day I walk into ONEDERLAND :D I’ve been very good food-wise, even though I’ve received (and indulged in) a whole lot of chocolate from my students for Valentine’s Day. 

I’m not putting any pressure on myself, it WILL happen. Whether it’s tomorrow or sometime next week. I WILL have a weight that starts with a 1. VERY SOON :D 

Pretty sad because it’s a year later and I gained 30 lbs. fuck my life. It’s okay. It’s not okay, but I will be okay. I’ve got to get my shit together.

I hate croutons, this gif understands me

(Source: fedswatching, via onlylolgifs)

No more dating

I started feeling so good about myself this past year that I started dating. 22 men later and not a single one I’ve clicked with enough. It’s cool, it’s whatever. At least I got laid though??????

Anyway, I’m still super fat. Instead of feeling like shit about it, I feel eager to workout and better my physical fitness. I’m hot, I know that, but sadly I am having a hard time finding pants in my closet that will cover my large ass. I’ve gained weight since that brief relationship I had last summer, he was a super tall guy that could eat like shit and not gain anything, while I gain weight just by smelling fast food. Needless to say, I haven’t lost the weight I had gained from being with him. I’m still not at my highest or anything, but I’ve got to get back on track.

Roommate and I are starting the 30 Day shred today. I’m starting Couch to 5K today, maybe tomorrow. I life in a neighborhood with lots of places to run so I don’t have an excuse. During apartment living there wasn’t anywhere to run to, so I’d have to drive to a local running trail. Now, I can literally step outside my door and start moving, it’s much safer and convenient.

Went grocery shopping today, bought no sugary snacks and junk. I’m excited to get back on track. I feel so energetic and productive when I’m working out and eating well.

Now that dating is out of my equation for awhile, I’m going to have to fill the “I’m getting lots of attention from cute boys” void in my life by talking to you all. So, in short, I need tumblr friends.

Message me if interested!

"I literally do not give a shit whether or not it’s healthy to be fat. I care about how you treat fat people. The end."
misandrist (via syruckus)

(via thatfunnygirllauren)

Victories

So I worked out today

That’s a win

Even if I ate ice cream for dinner

I’m such an adult

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